Steps for Becoming a Foster Parent

Foster parenting affects every aspect of life.  So if you have a spouse or significant other, or children already in the home, it’s important that everyone is on board with the decision to foster.  It’s also important to talk about this possibility with extended family members.  The most successful foster parents are those who have a strong support system.  If you don't have a support system already in place and still decide become a foster parent, it will be especially important for you to select a licensing agency with support groups in which you can participate.

You will be communicating with — and perhaps advocating for the children in your care — among many different people as a foster parent. This list may include the children’s birth family, teachers and other school officials, therapists, DCS staff, judges and other court personnel, other foster parents, and your own family and friends, some of whom may not understand your role as a foster parent.  And of course, you will be communicating as a parent to the children in your care.

Successful foster parents recognize that they are doing a difficult job, often with few accolades.  The foster care system is not always easy to navigate.  Children in care may not be grateful and they may demonstrate their fears, anger and confusion by acting out or through regressive behaviors.  

Patience and a sense of humor are important traits for foster parents.  But it’s also important to remember that children in foster care have often endured abuse and neglect.  Children may not have words to put around what they are feeling; a child's way of communicating is often through behaviors.  Because children in foster care have experienced significant trauma, physical punishment like spanking is not permitted.  Even the threat of physical punishment is prohibited.  Instead, discipline and positive reinforcement is used to teach children how to change their own behaviors.  Many foster parents have reported that techniques learned in pre-service training, particularly consistency and structure in parenting, have helped the children in their care thrive.

This does not mean that you cannot physically discipline your own children; however, it is important to think through the message you will be sending to all the children in your home if you physically discipline one child but not another for the same incident.  

Sometimes children are guarded and hesitant to trust their foster parents.  While this is a normal reaction, it can also result in children self-sabotaging their relationship with their foster parents.  Remember, it’s important for you to build a positive relationship with the children in your home — even when the days aren’t rosy.  That’s where patience comes in!  In training you will learn about supporting your children in the grief and loss process.  Part of a foster parent’s job is to help the children grieve in a healthy way.  Sometimes, however, parents don’t realize they have unresolved areas of grief in their own lives until a child’s response triggers feelings of loss in the foster parent.    

As a foster parent you will attend many different meetings and work with many professions.  Don’t feel intimidated; if you don’t understand something, ask questions!  Remember, you are with the child 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  You have valuable insights into the needs of your children.